Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
