i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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