The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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