White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
