Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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