if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
