My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
