If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
