Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
