mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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