dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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