Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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