Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
