He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
