finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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