morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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