I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
