apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
