I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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