i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
