i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
