he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
