he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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