I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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