hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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