my soul wont recognize me after tonight
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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