You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
