Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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