you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
