I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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