you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize