clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
