There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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