she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize