We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
