After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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