Betty ford says i'm here all night
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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