I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
