The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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