She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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