i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
