There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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