I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
