i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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