I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
