he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
