Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
