just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i believe in u and ur pee
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
