I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
