ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dignity is for republicans.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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