Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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