im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
