Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
