I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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