My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
