This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
