He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
