I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
