I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize