my mouth tastes like poor choices
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
