So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
