I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
