i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I want a musical about memes.
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