so that wasnt chicken after all
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
