Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
