my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
