You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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