I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
