So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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