The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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